Mar 6, 2005 18:38
19 yrs ago
English term
when - word order
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Linguistics
word order
It must be marked out that ancient Greeks addressed their gods directly. It seemed to be normal for the goddess to appear among the people. In ancient Greek chronicles, for instance, you can find an episode about Pisistratus, an Athenian of noble family, when - obsessed by craving power - he dressed an ordinary human woman up with… a goddess’ robe. Then, he told Hellenic people that Athena herself showed up in front of him in order to support all his steps. Although that “commercial trick” was revealed, the Greek people chose Pisistratus to be their leader. Probably due to this initiative…
is that clear enough? when - obsessed by craving power - he... the original sentence is much complex.
is that clear enough? when - obsessed by craving power - he... the original sentence is much complex.
Responses
| 3 +3 | who |
RHELLER
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| 4 | it's OK |
Charlie Bavington
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Responses
+3
2 mins
Selected
who
episode about Pisistratus, an Athenian of noble family, who, obsessed with power, dressed an ordinary human woman
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Note added at 28 mins (2005-03-06 19:06:55 GMT)
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as Richard pointed out, there are other mistakes as well:
marked out?
human woman? (what other kind is there?)
THE Hellenic people
support his steps?
my advice is to ask each question individually - everyone will help
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Note added at 28 mins (2005-03-06 19:06:55 GMT)
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as Richard pointed out, there are other mistakes as well:
marked out?
human woman? (what other kind is there?)
THE Hellenic people
support his steps?
my advice is to ask each question individually - everyone will help
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
TranslateThis
1 min
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thank you!
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| agree |
Richard Benham
: Yes, this is better. I worry about some of the other constructions too,//Not over this...this is just my diversion.//Also "Obssessed by *his* craving *for* power", or "obsessively craving power"...
2 mins
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thanks Richard -obsessively is good - to me obsessed by power is equal to craving power (case of redundancy, I fear)
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| neutral |
Charlie Bavington
: I agree that this is clearer. But I fear the meaning is slightly changed, strictly speaking. Your suggestion implies that his obsession with power is a permanent condition. The original implies the obsession relates only to the episode in question.....
11 mins
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interesting comments, as always :-)
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| agree |
Madeleine MacRae Klintebo
: 'marked out' - mentioned?
36 mins
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Madeleine you are kind but I think the asker should post it as a question :-)
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4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
Comment: "Thank you all !"
16 mins
Charlie Bavington
Native in English
&
English
Hassle-free translations for busy people
Native in: English 
Works in: French to English
Related KudoZ points
:
28
it's OK
it's OK to me (BE). Rita's suggestion may be clearer depending on the "obsession" issue. If it's a character trait, use Rita's, If it's a passing phase, use when.
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Note added at 5 hrs 15 mins (2005-03-06 23:54:06 GMT)
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Even if the obsession is a permanent condition, you can still use \"when\" as follows:
\"you can find an episode about Pisistratus, an Athenian of noble family and obsessed by craving power, when he dressed an ordinary human woman up with… a goddess’ robe. \"
I see nothing wrong with the construction \"find an episode...when\" and I suspect that my esteemed colleagues, whose opinion I do value, just didn\'t read it in the same way that I did.
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Note added at 5 hrs 15 mins (2005-03-06 23:54:06 GMT)
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Even if the obsession is a permanent condition, you can still use \"when\" as follows:
\"you can find an episode about Pisistratus, an Athenian of noble family and obsessed by craving power, when he dressed an ordinary human woman up with… a goddess’ robe. \"
I see nothing wrong with the construction \"find an episode...when\" and I suspect that my esteemed colleagues, whose opinion I do value, just didn\'t read it in the same way that I did.
Peer comment(s):
| neutral |
RHELLER
: sorry Charlie but I think this is incorrect (grammatically speaking) whether permanent or temporary. hey but I may be wrong. I am sure one of our peers will come along and clarify :-)
9 mins
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"you can find an episode when he dressed...." - what's wrong with that?
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| neutral |
Nesrin
: but I'd still say "who" if it's a passing phase: "...who, when obsessed...."
15 mins
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fair enough
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| neutral |
Richard Benham
: It doesn't look too good to me. "When" is not quite appropriate, although there are similar contexts in which it would work.//With that punctuation, "when" cannot possibly govern "obsessed by craving power", which is an aside, but only "he dressed...".
18 mins
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like I said to Rita, I read it as "an episode....when", which I think is OK.
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Discussion