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duizendpoot
Jan 9, 2009 11:57
15 yrs ago
Dutch term

x brengt medewerkers in groene vervoering

Dutch to English Other Journalism heading for article
Title of an article in a business school's magazine. School x is giving staff the opportunity to use Cambio cars (car sharing initiative where a car is provided when needed - 'cars à la carte' is the cambio website's English slogan) or is giving them a bike. Not much hope of getting the same play on words in English, but some other zappy play on words would be appropriate. My current version is a bit flat: x's green initiative gets staff on the move. Any more inspired suggestions welcome!
Proposed translations (English)
3 the road to x is paved with green intentions
3 +1 x moves towards green transportation (for staff)
4 x goes green on getting around/getting to work
3 +1 staff/employees get carried away by environmentally-friendly transport
2 x gets staff to take a green car high ride

Proposed translations

2 hrs
Selected

the road to x is paved with green intentions

OK, you'll either love it or hate it, but it gets your attention, which is what a headline should do.

I agree that English speakers, especially on the other side of the pond, genrally regard 'green' with a certain amount of linguistic amusement or scepticism, but it it's a lot snappier than 'environmentally friendly'.
Peer comment(s):
neutral Tina Vonhof (X) : I like it - it's funny - but open to different (or mis)interpretations. Intentions often refers to plans that don't work out.
8 hrs
True; it would only work if the text implicity recognises the potential negative implications and immedately dispels them. Of course, that raises the question of whether translators should act as copywriters. Don't editors write their own headlines?
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4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "The client liked it, so I think the snappiness must have outweighed any potential negative implications. Thanks, everyone."
9 mins

x gets staff to take a green car high ride

Allusion to getting high on the notion of driving environmentally friendly.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=high ride
Peer comment(s):
neutral writeaway : what is a green car high ride?
3 mins
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+1
17 mins

x moves towards green transportation (for staff)

Although I don't think there is anything wrong at all with your own proposal, here's another possibility :-)

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Note added at 38 mins (2009-01-09 12:36:11 GMT)
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Perhaps 'X takes staff on a green ride' or 'X offers staff a green ride' could also work here.
Peer comment(s):
agree Tina Vonhof (X) : I like 'X takes staff on a green ride'.
1 hr
Thanks Tina!
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42 mins

x goes green on getting around/getting to work

Just another suggestion - a bit of alliteration with the letter g kind of mimics the alliteration of c's in 'cars à la carte'. It isn't clear whether this transport is provided for going anywhere or just for getting to and from work. The Dutch 'brengt' brings to mind getting them to work, but your English statement that a car is provided when needed does not seem to be restricted to getting people to work. So I have given alternatives.
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+1
47 mins

staff/employees get carried away by environmentally-friendly transport

transport, car-sharing scheme or whatever. green doesn't work in En imo.
an attempt to keep the play on words with vervoering

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Note added at 1 hr (2009-01-09 13:09:16 GMT)
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or embellish a bit: enthusiastic staff is transported by environmentally-friendly car-sharing scheme.......
Peer comment(s):
agree Kitty Brussaard : I particularly like your first proposal but would personally prefer a terser formulation such as: 'staff (at X) carried away by green transportation (scheme)' .
1 hr
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