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Glossary entry

English term or phrase:

pay respects to

English answer:

pay respect to deceased and/or loved ones

Added to glossary by Arabic & More
Jun 9, 2011 12:53
13 yrs ago
19 viewers *
English term

pay respects to

English Art/Literary Poetry & Literature
When you go to a funeral to "pay your respects," are you paying your respects to the deceased, or to the family of the deceased? Is either one okay? In ordinary conversation, I usually use the phrase on its own (with no object specified) and am not sure which option is more correct if I do want to specify. My sense is that both are correct, but I am interested in hearing the opinions of others.

Thanks in advance.
Responses
4 +4 pay respect to deceased and/or loved ones
4 +8 express condolences to the family and pay respects to the deceased*
4 respect only to the dead
References
Older books using the phrase in a non-death context
Votes to reclassify question as PRO/non-PRO:

Non-PRO (1): Sabine Akabayov, PhD

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Discussion

Christine Andersen Jun 10, 2011:
Paying respect with little or no contact I consider paying respects as something you do, but without making much contact with the object of respect. It may not be possible, but it may consist of a handshake and a few polite remarks.

It is a formal kind of visit or meeting, a reception perhaps. "We paid our respects, but there was no time to talk."

I have recently visited Uppsala in Sweden and wrote on a postcard that I had paid my respects to famous Swedes there - Carl von Linne, Anders Celcius and Dag Hammarskjold among others, by visiting monuments. All long dead, but still worthy of respect.

At a funeral recently I did not actually know the deceased, although I paid my respects. I went to express my sympathy with his relatives, whom I do know. (My husband hates the expression with condolences!)
Jenni Lukac (X) Jun 9, 2011:
Yes, in that way "respects to the deceased" are often described as "final respects to the deceased," as, sadly, it is the last opportunity to do so. One can pay one's respects to the deceased person's family and friends in this context, which is what I believe Mike wanted to say. "Express condolences" is the specific motive for speaking to family members during visiting hours at a funeral parlour or at a funeral.
Allison Wright (X) Jun 9, 2011:
One can also pay one's respects to the living. I would use this in a specific context. For example, if you return to your home town, or village (in many cultures), correct behaviour would be to go and pay your respects to one's elders in the community. You visit the person (people), and upon arrival state, "I have just come to pay my respects to your grandmother (or whomeover)". A courtesy call, in other words. Woe betide if you do not! :)

Responses

+4
6 mins
Selected

pay respect to deceased and/or loved ones

At least for me, it can mean either or both. This is different than to offer one's condolensces, which for me, is exclusively to the loved ones.

Let's see what others think.

Mike

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Note added at 21 mins (2011-06-09 13:14:35 GMT)
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Commemorative service demonstration activities - 18 Pa. Cons. Stat ... Nov 27, 2007... funeral, ceremony or memorial service of a specific deceased person ... person or to pay respect to the family of the deceased person. ...
law.onecle.com/pennsylvania/crimes-and.../00.075.017.000.html - Cached
Peer comment(s):
agree DLyons : For me, it's primarily showing respect for the deceased. But I'm pretty sure both senses exist.
3 mins
Interesting. Perhaps "pay one's last respects" would be directed exclusively for the deceased, whereas "pay ones respects,, as you said, is usually to the deceased. The adjective "last" certainly has the denotation of finality in this case.
agree Stephanie Ezrol : I agree that the phrase can be used to refer to both. The phrase was used, and is still used to some respect, in terms of paying respect to (greeting) royalty, high government officials and other such people.
39 mins
Thank you, Stephanie - Mike
agree B D Finch : Though I detest the unctuous term "loved ones", which was beautifully sent up in Evelyn Waugh's book "The Loved One".
2 hrs
Good point. If used at all, it should probably be in quotation marks.
agree Yasutomo Kanazawa : With Stephanie.
17 hrs
Thank you, Yasutomo - Mike
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "Thank you for your response. Your comment about paying one's "last" respects was particularly helpful."
+8
8 mins

express condolences to the family and pay respects to the deceased*


*You've asked an interesting question. I believe that it is more precise to say express condolences to the family and pay respects to the deceased, but people do say "pay respects to the family". Some opinions:
Upon learning of a passing, it's proper to pay your respects to the grieving family in the form of a visit. Depending on the family's religion or heritage, ...
www.essortment.com/etiquette-proper-funeral-etiquette-36781... - En caché
►
Proper Funeral Etiquette - Life123
Learn more about proper funeral etiquette, and feel comfortable paying your last respects. ... say a prayer or silently pay respects to the deceased person. ... If it's a family member or friend, you can make arrangements for yourself. ...
www.life123.com › ... › Funeral Etiquette - En caché - Similares; Etiquette for funerals is necessary when you are paying your respects to the family of someone who has passed away.
www.modern-manners-and-etiquette.com/etiquette-for-funerals... #
Generally, friends, family and acquaintances gather at the funeral home to offer their condolences to the family and pay their last respects to the deceased ...
www.obituariestoday.com/Resources/FuneralEit.php - En caché - Similares
Funeral etiquette: what you need to know about and funeral dress ...
To lend support and pay your respects to the family in mourning. When it comes to funeral dress , funeral etiquette is very important. ...
www.the-funeral-planner.com/funeral-etiquette.html - En caché - Similares
Peer comment(s):
agree Veronika McLaren
6 mins
Cheers and thanks, Veronika.
agree Jack Doughty
7 mins
Greetings and thanks, Jack.
agree Allison Wright (X)
32 mins
Thanks very much, Allison.
agree Catharine Cellier-Smart
34 mins
Greetings and thanks, Catherine.
agree Thayenga
1 hr
Cheers and thanks, Thayenga.
agree JaneTranslates : Here's to precision in speech! Condolences to the family, respects to the deceased. Other senses are possible in other contexts, but at a funeral--I agree with you.
5 hrs
Thanks very much, Jane.
agree eski : Nice work, Jenn ! eski :))
6 hrs
Cheers and thanks, bro.
agree Phong Le
10 hrs
Thanks, Phong. Have a good weekend.
Something went wrong...
1 hr

respect only to the dead

In some situations, funeral attendees are not on good terms with, nor have any respect for, the immediate family of the deceased, but are attending anyway in order to pay their respects to the dead in whatever way they consider fitting.
Peer comment(s):
neutral B D Finch : People often attend funerals of people they neither liked nor respected, often relatives. Perhaps it's just to confirm that they really have popped their clogs, perhaps to support family members, perhaps because of other social or business considerations.
1 hr
Something went wrong...

Reference comments

54 mins
Reference:

Older books using the phrase in a non-death context

THESE REFERENCE ARE FROM A GOOGLE BOOK SEARCH FOR BOOKS PUBLISHED BEFORE 1900. There are many more like this.

"and the custom in that country is for the officials to pay their respects to the President on Sunday morning"
eBook)
United States. Congress. Senate. Select committee on memorial of Davis Hatch, Jacob Merritt Howard
Govt. print. off., 1869 - 268 pages

The first visit received should be returned in three days. Strangers, desiring to pay respect to any officials, can do so with propriety during office hours, sending in a card, marked "to pay respects," by the usher.
Keim's illustrated hand-book, Washington and its environs: a descriptive and historical hand-book to the capital of the United States of America (Google eBook)
De Benneville Randolph Keim
For the compiler, 1874 - Travel - 252 pages
Peer comments on this reference comment:
agree Yasutomo Kanazawa : We could also say "pay respect to the flag", meaning "show respect to the flag".
16 hrs
Something went wrong...
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