Feb 8, 2009 20:06
15 yrs ago
Russian term

окно в полнеба глубиной

Russian to English Art/Literary Poetry & Literature
Лампу включать не хотелось. Повеяло свежестью и сильным ароматом акации. Май, от него голова кругом идет. Моника повернулась к синему распахнутому окну* в полнеба глубиной*.Белая полная луна свысока жалела всё живое. Большая Москва замерла тревожно под ней.


The political events in Poland have had strong repercussions in Moscow which is unable to interfere this time. Already many progressive Russian writers have written books about legendary “Solidarity” and it’s founder L. Valensa that later in history would be defined by sociologists as a start of the collapse of Soviet Empire.
Monica is Polish by blood, she is the daughter of a Polish diplomat in Moscow and she was brought up by her grandmother in the best Polish traditions: she is a Catholic, loves classical music and she loves to read. Having been an artist she can not stop her imagination taking her away from the reality when she reads something. Reading an impressive essay about “Solidarity” she imagines herself as Jean d’Ark leading people onto barricades, she cries out in an abundance of overwhelming emotions during her reading . She finishes reading and:

< There wasn’t any wish to switch on the lamp. A breath of freshness together with a strong aroma of acacia entered the room. The month of May, it gave a feeling of vertigo. Monica looked into the blue through a window that was flung wide open *в полнеба глубиной*. A white waxing moon was imparting it’s sorrow to everything alive. Moscow was spreading it’s for boding underneath it . >

These Russian words “a window half-sky deep” are about large space in front of Monica, something similar to the sensation you may have when you are standing at the edge of the mountain ridge. She obviously has strong feelings and these words are more about them not the window. My own variations about this “voluminous” window do not satisfy me.
Please, help.

Proposed translations

53 mins
Selected

a window that framed half the deepening sky

I see the image of a large window that holds half the sky within its frame.
Note from asker:
"Deepening" in your suggested description I see as " increasing in depth". The frame is ordinary. Thank you.
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
+4
1 hr

window, revealing an almost bottomless sapphire sky

Trade one pretty image for another. I've tried various literal and semi-literal versions, but none of them work, IMO.
Note from asker:
Bottomless sky? Topless ocean?
I believe you went out of the frame too far: bottomless space, endless Universe...Thank you for the flight, I am with you in my heart. I have a contact with the author who wants it "Exactly the same, ex-zakt-ly!!!" and repeats it to me all the time.
Драка за "рога" шла два дня. Я победила-убедила в их необходимости и поставила в текст. Спасибо ещё ра.
Peer comment(s):

agree Aleksey Chervinskiy : window that opened into the bottomless sky? /// she turned to the wide-open window and her gaze drowned in the bottomless sky - i think that's more or less what is meant in the original, but comes out kinda long in my non-native English
2 hrs
Good as well. Thank you, Aleksey.
agree Sergei Tumanov
11 hrs
Thank you, Sergei.
agree Oleksandr Yastremskyi
17 hrs
Thank you, ayast.
agree Tevah_Trans : I think "almost" is лишнее - what is almost-infinity? Still infinity. So drop the "half" imho and you're good to go. Sapphire is a nice touch too. :)
18 hrs
That's actually the one thing I was on the fence about, hehe. Thanks, Tevah :)
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+3
1 hr

a window half as wide as the sky

Maybe "wide" rather than "deep" would work in English. (Also "its" for the possessive!)
Note from asker:
The trouble is that the window is an ordinary sized window revealing the depth of the sky.
Thanks a lot!
Peer comment(s):

agree Sabina Metcalf
4 mins
agree Emil Tubinshlak
21 mins
neutral Sergei Tumanov : при обратном переводе это получится "окно в пол-неба шириной". Тоже красиво. Но в этом предложении героиня говорит про окно, через которое можно очень далеко заглянуть. Мое возражение, разумеется, чисто техническое, не более.
11 hrs
agree katerina turevich : only i would add 'as the sky it framed" to it.
14 hrs
Something went wrong...
9 hrs

a window looking over half the sky

a window revealing half (of) the (deep blue) sky
Note from asker:
Just in reverse:" window overlooking half the sky". Sounds close. Thanks.
Something went wrong...
12 hrs

well of sky in the ceiling window

колодец неба голубой)))
можно попробовать sky's window
Note from asker:
Very well you can say "a bucket of sky". Thanks.
Something went wrong...
+1
14 hrs

to the breathtaking sky

I would definitely avoid a dependent clause or gerund construction. Defining the amount of sky she sees is totally unimportant - obviously she can't see the whole sky through her window.
Note from asker:
Your suggestion is nice but it is almost the way of getting round the translation. Thank you for trying to help me.
Peer comment(s):

agree katerina turevich : I agree.
1 hr
Something went wrong...
2 days 7 hrs

(the flung-open) window, half the night blue sky visible beyond it...

one has to take into account that it is night, therefore one does not expect to read a description of 'a pale blue' sky. The colour of the sky however is important, and the word 'night' conjures up imagery of a velvety, inky blue sky...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 days (2009-02-15 07:36:31 GMT) Post-grading
--------------------------------------------------

Sorry, the above should read: 'night-blue'; or better still 'dusky blue sky'
Note from asker:
Thanks my Majesty! The trouble is that I am running out of lines. I am very short with time as well - that is the demand of the author. To say frankly, it is possible to put EVERYTHING I've done so far much, much better. Yes, you are right, he has put it "Blue" not for nothing, in a spring time the evening sky is bright blue, even electric azure. Unfortunately I've sent this part of the text already. Thank you, I see, the poetry within the prose does touch you. Thanks.
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